Refine me…

This might be a bit of heavy topic for a Friday, but bear with me. There has never been anything I have ever done in my life that has changed me as much as being a mother. I know what you’re thinking. Well, duh. Especially if you are a parent yourself you know that no other event flips your life upside down and spins it sideways quite like having children. We all think we know what it will be like before we are actually there only to come to the stark realization that we were completely clueless.

And in this 21st century of parenting there is no shortage of information to be found about how it’s supposed to be. How your children are supposed to sleep, behave, eat, dress, etc. And you know what? My children have followed almost none of them! My son didn’t sleep all night until he was well over two and even now at three years old he only does if Mom sleeps next to him. He refused to eat any solid food until he was about 10 months old and potty training him was an experience that deserves a post all its own! When he was itty bitty and I was a brand new mom struggling with sleep deprivation, it was hard to see outside of my situation. I searched the internet every spare second I could for answers to “solve” his sleep issues. Everyone else was bragging about their kid sleeping 12 straight hours and I was tripping over the bags under my eyes. I cried a lot. I felt sorry for myself. A lot. I thought no one understood or cared. I threw myself a pity party every day.

Every night after my children fall asleep I pray over them and ask God to please make me into the mother my children deserve. And somewhere along this journey I have realized that through my children that is exactly what He is trying to do. He is using this journey of motherhood to grow me, to stretch me, to teach me about sacrificial love. To give me a small glimpse of understanding into the way he loves me. He is refining me. Slowly, painfully at times. And I need only say yes. I need only embrace this process. Submit my will to His. More of you Lord, less of me. Isn’t that what I keep praying for? Refine me.

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